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The Word 9
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The Word 9 (Disk 2 of 2).adf
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09-Bolty'sJokePage.txt
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09-Bolty'sJokePage.txt
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1996-01-17
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106 lines
|1-Bolty's Jokes Page
Here are the 5 jokes I have amassed
offer the last couple of months:
Joke 1
======
A bloke comes out of the pub to find that it is absolutely pissing it
down, and sees that there is only 1 taxi waiting outside the pub. He
runs up to it and asks the driver how much it will be back to his home.
The driver tells him it will be £200, because it is raining so much.
The bloke has only got £20, so he has to walk 10 miles in the pouring
rain to get home.
The next week, when the bloke leaves the pub, there are 3 taxis lined
up, all from the same cab company. He notices that the end taxi is the
one from last week.
The bloke goes up to the first taxi driver and asks how much it is to
his home. The driver tells him it's £20. The bloke then asks how much
extra it is for a blow job, and the driver gives an astonished look, and
tells him to piss off.
He then goes up to the second taxi driver and asks how much it will be
to his home. Again the driver tells him it's £20. The bloke then asks
how much extra it is for a quick shit-stab on the back seat, and the
driver tells him to bugger off.
Finally, the bloke approaches the last taxi driver, and asks how much it
is to his home. Again he is told £20. He gets in and the taxi pulls
away. As they drive past the other two taxis the bloke winds down the
window, and gives the other two drivers a thumbs up with a big grin on
his face.
Joke 2
======
Last week I got run over by a bus, and had to be resuscitated. While my
heat stopped beating I went up to heaven for a bit, and met God
(honest).
The first thing I noticed in God's house was that all the walls were
covered with clocks, so I asked God what they were all for. He said
they showed the amount of time remaining in everyone's life in the whole
world, with 1 clock for each person.
I then noticed that some clocks were going round faster than others, so
I asked God why this was. He said that every time you have a wank it
takes 5 minutes of your life, so wanker's clocks had to go round a bit
faster.
As we moved into the next room I saw that the clocks were going twice as
fast as normal, so I asked God why. He said these people were
compulsive wankers, practising 4+ times per day, so there clocks had to
go round even faster.
I then asked God where your clock was. He said that they were using it
in the Kitchen as an extractor fan.
Joke 3
======
Three nuns die together after falling of the roof of their church. When
they go up to heaven the bloke on the gate says "Sorry ladies, but we're
a bit full at the moment, but I'll let you in if you can each answer a
biblical question correctly" The nuns agree.
The bloke asks the first question: "Nun number 1 - Can you name the
first man on earth?"
The nun replies "That's an easy one, it was Adam" and the bloke says
"Correct" and lets her into heaven
Then the bloke asks the second question, "Nun number 2 - Can you name
the first woman on earth?"
The nun replies "That's an easy one, it was Eve" and the bloke says
"Correct" and lets her in.
Then the bloke asks the final question, "Nun number 3 - What were the
first words Eve spoke to Adam?"
The nun replies "That's a hard one..." and the bloke says "Correct"
and lets her in.
Joke 4
======
-Q. What is the medical term for the useless flap of skin surrounding
the vagina?
-A. A Woman
Joke 5
======
-Q. What's the difference between an egg and a good wank?
-A. You can't beat a good wank.
End